NoshBar's Dumping Ground


There’s a board outside a church on the way to work that receives new (or recycled) inspirational message weekly.

Some are printed out neatly by a dot matrix that hasn’t been able to kill itself yet, others are seemingly written in the scabby leftovers of crayons that have had all their sharp bits shaved off.

The one that pisses me off the most is the following incredibly witty saying:
“Have you read my best seller? – God”

I have several unfair problems with this:

  • The book itself claims that God is omnipotent, so surely he’d know if I’ve read it? Or is he just being a chick and asking something he knows the answer to already, but just wants to beat me with my answer?
  • God claiming he wrote the book is like Katie Price claiming she wrote hers…
  • …then again, at least Katie Price goes to bookstores and makes an appearance to meet her followers (All hail The Jordan!).
  • Instead of asking me silly questions, why not hang out with me and tell me stuff? All my other imaginary friends do…

(I sit on the bus with my camera primed, eagerly awaiting the return of the one that says: “All welcum”)

Patenting the rectangle

Where I grew up, certain products were kept out of our country because we were racist bastards who treated people like slaves (when we weren’t too busy killing them).
Seemingly, now all it takes is for one product to look slightly like another one. Yay for progress!

I am so educated

Overheard guy1 telling guy2 that Hugo Weaving was in Glasgow filming Cloud Atlas… guy2 had no idea who that was.
“The actor from The Matrix, and from Captain America
I’m so manly, that the first thing I thought of was “He’s the guy from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”.

I blame YOU lesbian ex-girlfriend and co.

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