NoshBar's Dumping Ground


February 2013

27 - "Getting used to" is the same as "beating" depression, right? Perhaps I should have ice cream for breakfast more. YOLOL.

19 - I wonder if, when the time comes, they will entitle the collection, "Chris Brown: Greatest Hits"...?

5 - The unhealthiest part of the bakery is the candy shop next door with Victoria Secret Models handing out free samples and kisses.

January 2013

31 - While I am impressed by your environmentally friendly hand-dryer, I find it difficult to wipe my bum on it if the toilet paper is finished.

22 - 1080p referred to the vertical resolution, 4K refers to the horizontal resolution, will the next number refer to how deep the hologram is?

15 - If fried potato chips/crisps are so bad for you because they get stuck in your teeth then brandless cornflakes must contain actual cancer.

9 - People should wear bands indicating how fast/crippled-dead-sloth-slow they walk so to see if you should politely let them in front of you.

7 - Can't download an app larger than 50mb on my phone, but can use same phone as a hotspot and download the same app on iTunes on PC via it.

3 - Invented an algorithm I was going to call The NoshBar Algorithm o' Awesome, sadly it already exists as the "RamerDouglasPeucker" algorithm

December 2012

15 - This world and I seem to be at an impasse. I'm going to need a bigger boat. And pick up Karl.

November 2012

30 - It's either 57 o'clock, or someone is getting married. Or the hunchback has developed OCD. Or the voices have changed to tones.

24 - Old iPad to HDMI cable does not work when connected to the new Lightning converter adapter. Almost better off buying an AppleTV for AirPlay.

8 - Shops that put price stickers that leave sticky residue on their pens should be turned into living creatures and thrown into a papercut pit.

7 - The first 10 minutes of every 3D movie is spent trying to figure out just how badly the 3D has been done this time.

1 - I'm going to make a TV show that pits several Kickstarter bids against each other, and you get to vote for your favourite and...

October 2012

31 - 30 second advert for stain removal, 20 second clip about a man accused of raping multiple women, 30 second advert for man-attracting make-up

15 - Anagrams are this.

10 - I've always wanted to learn how to juggle, but I lack the discipline to grow my hair that long and skanky.

9 - I'm doing the geek desk-jockey workout: sitting and listening to some 80's and 90's rap while crotch-thrusting to the beat. #funkycoldmedina

5 - "Aw, why are they blowing the leaves away, they're so pretty and feed the trees, I just don't..." *slip* *thud*... "Oh. I see."

3 - Apple and Samsung should just give each other random amounts of money on alternating months, maybe buy a dog together...

2 - So, I enabled the YouTube setting "I have a slow connection. Never play higher-quality video" and now it defaults to HD quality every time.

September 2012

25 - "Imma let you finish", eww, "but I just want you to know I'm the best lover that ever was", eww. #kanye #sextape

24 - Codecs really do need a separate macroblock dictionary to deal with the unnatural shapes, colours (and sounds) of Nicki Minaj videos.

20 - When colleague X asks if colleague Y is in so as to know whether they have to be in the office, both X and Y probably aren't in enough.

18 - If people just stopped their damn fighting over MUH things, we'd all have our hoverboards by now, dammit! Make hoverboards, not war.

14 - Not worrying about being neurotic makes so much more space in your life for the important things, like worrying about not being yourself.

12 - "Good news! We've changed the display from not being 16:9 to being less not 16:9. Praise be!"

11 - I wonder if rainbows in non-EU countries cause visa issues with leprechauns...?

8 - I'm like voice recognition: saying the same thing louder or slower doesn't help me understand any better. Use different words.

5 - Things I learnt today: pet shops don't sell rat poison and hire really cranky people.

3 - Yeeeah, if you're extending your C program with embedded Python support, don't be stoopid and try testing importing a script called

August 2012

24 - I don't often feel compelled enough to give a rats ass, but when I am, it's fuelled with stored up passion. #codereview

23 - I'm pretty much the perfect square, but man this makes me smile and want to join in:

15 - I'm going to make a KickStarter to buy Greece and then give it back to the people. Or buy an island and start the Hunger Games.

15 - I'm the kinda guy who would make an anonymous help-line operator walk over and beat me.

15 - Mowed the lawn, trimmed the edges, pulled a tree out with my bare hands, then relaxed drinking chocolate milk watching Project Runway. RWAR!

14 - I get perhaps too much joy from stepping on the heads of people's shadows still.

July 2012

11 - I never remember the vomit scene in Team America, and every time I watch it I get a faint reminder of what being happy feels like.

May 2012

12 - This may just be the most perfect match of audio and video in the world. #boobies!

10 - "Jack" and "f-all" are similar in that they mean the same when prefixed with a negative: "He DID f-all today" == "He DIDN'T do f-all today"

7 - Compound nouns I claim copyright on include, but are not limited to: "anus-biscuits" and "whore-bag".

5 - I hate the things I have to force myself to think just to get through a day.

4 - #removeoneletterfilm Allrats - unofficial sequel to introspective Superman indie film "Clerk" about a mall being over-run by rats.

April 2012

25 - One MP and incredibly helpful Royal Mail employee later and am in Sweden. My shorts are scaring people, but at least they don't expect much.

17 - @addedsparkle holy contained meat spheres! You're pregnant? That's disturbingly big news... I guess anyway. Happy parasitical paradise!

16 - I thoroughly enjoyed Battleship, really really liked it. So the rest of you should beware and probably not go see it.

16 - @archifishal That's Great great!

12 - An awesome read on the Art of Rendering: Now if you excuse me, I have to go and be depressed.

6 - @archifishal ooh, nice! Or perhaps Puppy Rain, and get Prince to do the soundtrack.

6 - Dreamt I coded a game where you have to dodge puppies falling from the sky, their blood splats making it tougher to stop with precision.

4 - @archifishal I had leftovers for breakfast: the remaining chocolate mousse and Coca-Cola. Bagels could be good, with cheese and baby souls.

3 - Mild annoyance turns into concern when you find out that the dog burying itself enthusiastically in your butt is a cancer sniffing dog.

2 - WannaBurger doesn't sell burgers before 11am, food vans don't have chips at 10:30am, what the hell do you people eat for breakfast then?

March 2012

28 - Single tiny texture looks better than anything I could make with mega textures, or even AI textures with an art degree:

26 - number of men who died in catastrophe = headline death toll - number of children in headline - number of women in headline

24 - So, do Spanish people who have a lisp pronounce a 'c' not as 'th'?

20 - What... what do you mean there's no ... I... I don't understand...? Also, Codea for the iPad is fantastic, quick prototyping fun!

16 - It's probably a bad sign, but when I add lengthy comments to my code, I feel as if I am patting myself on the back.

15 - Being self-righteous means never having to say you're sorry.

15 - @ianjeffray No idea. I used to be extremely happy, then so sad... but nowadays I don't suffer any extreme changes, and I realised that's why

14 - I cured my manic depression by not being happy in any scale or form anymore.

12 - "John Carter... of Mars!"... yeah, we'll see how powerful and jumpy he is after a few years on Mars and his body adapts to the low gravity.

12 - @kaeladan My initial "surprise!" system update was pretty quick actually. Oh, and Rayman Origins is a pretty damn fine platform game.

7 - Unity3D for Android/iOS is free until April the 8th:

7 - So... seeing as I'm terribly unhip, is "The Hunger Games" basically a Twilighted-up "Battle Royale"?

2 - "if I lose just 5kg from doing these exercises, I'll be impressed". If I lost 2kg from just doing nothing, I would be more impressed.

1 - The amount of time spent per day in a track suit is inversely proportional to the amount of exercise done.

February 2012

25 - Happy noises make me sad. Laughing, whistling, cheering, jeering, whooping... All like the nails of a possessed bobcat's nails on a board.

23 - Did a Google search for "whipped cream electron microscope", on the first page of results, Princess Leia in her bikini. Yay nerds!

22 - The EU proposed mini-USB as a standard for mobile phones and devices, Sony being a deciding member. PS Vita *cough*?

21 - Drumpster Android port done in under an hour. This new "Java" thing isn't too bad after all. JNI function name mappings are crazy though.

19 - Damn you visa for expiring days before the PS Vita release. Also, pineapple trees are fascinating. And Drumpster is starting to be awesome.

8 - Any species that manages to convince others that flinging their own faeces is acceptable has to be the most evolved.

6 - There is no "I" in team, nor is there a "we", "us" or "work".

3 - Using sausages to calculate PI and giggle maturely:

2 - Maybe if they changed the name from "indicator" to "intention-niator", it would be used slightly more appropriately.

January 2012

30 - Up all night, sick? Chocolate-soya-milk batter pancakes with whipped cream are the way to go!

26 - Notepad will forever be my go-to tool for acting as a format-removing copy-and-paste proxy. Three ALT-TAB's has a nice logic behind it too.

24 - Not coping with visa issues too well, get through it or kill myself, there'll be a party either way.

21 - @d0ugs Good idea, so meet @Tweenimator, TISFAT for Tablets was just a bit too long. Uh huh huh...

20 - The TouchPad is the best platform for prototyping iPad applications on. TISFAT For Tablets has begun!

15 - I'm going to find the fountain of youth, then sue the hell out of "lifetime guarantee" product manufacturers. Take that humanity!

15 - It's really tough telling the difference between customers and employees in outdoorsy shops, they all look the same.

6 - @Lucid_Necrocrat The PlayBook is really nice, loving the speedy OS, flat & solidly built. In dire need of applications though. Android ahoy!

5 - Bought a PlayBook in the "firesale" yesterday, got Drumpster running on it today. Being awesome is awesome. Except Drumpster still sucks.

December 2011

21 - Porting Drumpster to the TouchPad was a breeze, now to make it suck less.

19 - I would rather get food poisoning from slightly-breathing green meat than eat undercooked aubergine lasagne again.

November 2011

16 - Colours are posh, George Street has: White Stuff, Grays, Black Lizars, Lime Blue, Browns, Molten Brown, but no United Colors of Benetton...

10 - Grass repair + police presence + lack of exhibits = higher taxes. Bravo, 99% protesters. Someone tell Green Peace they're killing the grass.

9 - Having an 80's catch-up month, and watching Pretty in Pink and OH MY GOD IT'S GINA GERSHON! With pig-tails! Smiling! More! MORE!

5 - Sod the GTA5 trailer, EEE! ... wait... _what_ bats? EEEEEE! Inner-boy mode, ENGAGE!

2 - Voxatron = 1MB download, DRM-free, double-click EXE to launch, and as much "ooh" to the graphics as for Battlefield.

1 - Wait... and then Origin requires a browser plugin to launch the game after pfaffing with the installation? For the love of all that is pure!

October 2011

28 - And now I get a response that EA is responsible for my AC/DC Rock Band woes too. Trying... to not... join... hating... bandwagon...

28 - You just checked my password with a server online you piece of ass, now you think I'm offline? "Origin:none of your games anywhere, anytime"

28 - EA Origin site "forgot password" link is broken. Won't let me install from disc because it thinks I'm offline. _Install_. From _disc_.

25 - "We'll use FaceBook, Twitter and YouTube to make this go viral! We'll show the corporations that we don't need them!", really Mr. Protestor?

21 - "It's like, that's like a lot of money". Like, die, you simile abusing bastards.

12 - "Killer goes shopping after murder", what was he supposed to do? Go home and worship Satan? Is shopping more evil?

3 - if (purchaseForm.gender == "F") { trawlInternetForNekkidPictures( purchaseForm.fullName); }; completePurchase( purchaseForm );

3 - Way before Crysis was used to benchmark PC's, I used Links Golf... I remember it as if the first level just finished redrawing yesterday...

September 2011

14 - Windows 8 Developer Preview is simply a very large dependency required to run Midnight Commander.

13 - Vegetarians don't get meat sprinkled over their meals, why do I get weeds strewn across -and next to- my meat?

August 2011

29 - Watched my first non-Christmas-special Dr. Who. Never watching again, they used Comic Sans MS.

28 - The Conan credits say "Dr. Picutre" worked on the special effects, I thought it was playful spelling... Oopsie.

23 - Being an optimist, I'm confident that every tomorrow will be the new worst day of my life.

9 - You have a free house and healthcare, get money for your children, and don't work. Yes, you're entitled to burn shops down for more shoes.

5 - A company I once worked for taught me so very much... The weightloss was great too!

4 - I bet the soul of your first-born child that indicator bulbs outlast any other part of the car #indicateyouasshat

July 2011

29 - Judging by the patterned stains on my trousers -caused by the rain-water my feet kick up-, I walk like Keyser Sze.

14 - We want racial/religious/cultural harmony in a world that gets confused and offended by having two different-coloured shoelaces? Pfft.

7 - New of the World gave Bridesmaids 5 stars... am I still allowed to go watch it?

6 - Alright HP, it's July, why is the only place I can get an HP Veer from -in the UK- a phishing site?

5 - If stating the obvious is wrong, well, then I'm wrong.

June 2011

30 - Searching for "apron" on Amazon should come with a "SafeSearch" option.

26 - "Nice" people keep killing themselves, the rest kill everyone else. #populationcontrolisawesome

16 - "Flake Allure" = A Twirl where quality control failed and only half the Flakes were covered by chocolate. Oh well, 0.2% less lard I guess...

2 - The sludgey residue left behind by skatepark-skanks is so vile that even club-footed, single-legged seagulls won't touch it.

1 - int main() { char fifa[1] = "this is an example of corruption"; printf("%s\n", fifa); }

1 - char fifa[1] = "this is an example of corruption";
printf("%s\n", fifa);

1 - "Mobiles proven to cause cancer"... oh yeaaah, that reminds me to check if the HP Veer is available locally yet... thanks headline!

May 2011

31 - Why not move the power source from the lantern to the ring? Green Lantern 2.0.

30 - Tears make a really crappy aftershave #ifidontstopcryingimgoingtocry

27 - In the 30 seconds it has taken your "please wait" dialog to pop up, I have already launched 4 more instances, and beaten my keyboard.

19 - "Ew, that's like wading around in your own filth!", said the smoker disapprovingly to the bath-taker. Ding dong, bite me.

14 - Chunks are simply milk's way of smiling.

9 - @XboxSupport Unsure re: warranty. Don't like being consoleless, or courier hassle. Rather try fix it myself with a spoon, thanks though!

9 - @XboxSupport Yup, that's the only way I can eject a disk. It arrived broken on June 15 2010, and impatience made me work around the problem.

9 - @XboxSupport Hi! The power "button" does indeed work, just the eject never did. Thanks for the interest by the way.

9 - My new XBox 360 S came with a non-functioning eject button (X on dashboard works), I guess that means I'm getting L.A. Noire on PS3 then...

April 2011

28 - If you rub your fingers against the back of your ears slowly whilst your head is submerged in water, you can hear a warp drive somewhere.

19 - Learning about FFT was going well... until the lower case Greek "omega" symbol appeared and all I could see was a pair of hanging boobies.

15 - Near space photography is becoming so popular, soon all you will be able to photograph are other balloons with camera's hanging off them.

12 - "Hop" = movie about rock 'n roll Easter bunny. "Rock 'n Roll" = devil music. This could be interesting...

8 - Bloody hell, mention the word "MacBook" and you get 10 new spam followers, sheesh. I'm not making that mistake again...

8 - @ianjeffray I looked at a magic trackpad just yesterday, but it had a MacBook Air attached to it...

6 - Finally used gDEBugger, who knew it would be awesome to be told how stupid you are in several different ways?

5 - Surely you can only use the sentence "All I want is..." once?

March 2011

29 - Jordan? Katie Price? Religious artifacts, pardon? Ohh. "Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics". Damn you keyword happy brain

26 - Steam lets me download the Crysis 2 demo. 1.7Gb, an empty server list, and a Google search later, I find that the demo is no longer valid.

21 - "Green Day: Rock Band" for the 360 must contain traces of real Green Day members, as it's incredibly rare and costs a bajillion.

21 - This could be a turning point. Or just another reminder of how I never have the guts to do things I think about. 10cc of courage, stat.

18 - Electric cars really suck for closed-garage stylee suicides.

4 - Gossiping is like BitTorrent, but without the CRC.

3 - Oh dear non-existant man in the sky. @Lucid_Necrocrat, I thought you were joking about Afrikaanse Treffers Singstar...

February 2011

22 - Seeing an ambulance at a petrol station is like seeing a teacher at a shopping center. Only more sexy.

20 - @Lucid_Necrocrat re: NanoSuit: I don't understand what you said, so I shall agree so as to not seem stupid. Monocle power on on on!

19 - So, the Crysis NanoSuit, you can throw a car without flinching, but the guns still cause you to recoil like a bunny? Hmm, recoiling bunny...

15 - Either everyone's coding with their mouses, or no one is doing any work...

14 - @tim_angus That's absolutely beautiful. If you don't win someone's heart over with that, then they're not worth the community service.

14 - Remember folks, restraining orders are much tougher to get on Valentines day. It's not stalking, it's looove! *breathe*

7 - "Duty Calls" is an amusing enough spoof of FPS games, but 700MB for 5 minutes worth of play? The complete original MOH was smaller.

4 - @Lucid_Necrocrat Sweeet sweeet riiiide... 1969! It always made me think about using a chainsaw on something.

January 2011

29 - Actually coded something, riled the head howler monkeys up, couldn't sleep, world moved too slowly, itchy. The brain is alive!

27 - @secretidcrisis I won't disown you, provided that is the only one of our special time moments you share. I'm going to grape you in the face.

21 - My weekend task: genetic algorithm creature. That is, watching every single video of them on YouTube and crying because I suck.

21 - @Lucid_Necrocrat Set up a webcam on the other side of the curtains, and you won't even have to move or get exposed to sunlight!

14 - @kaeladan I saw that voxel engine video a while back and loved it, ended up finding this: Blew my pitiful mind.

11 - I was going to kill myself, then looked around the room filled with tatoo'd and pierced people, now quite keen to see my generation withered

6 - Spend a shedload on a 360, then on a Kinect, then still be denied a Kinect-powered game demo because it's for Gold members only. Suck my bal

1 - I wonder how many "Happy Birthday" mails go out on New Years day, to all those signing up to websites with "I don't care" default details?

December 2010

15 - Every single time there's a case of swine flu, the article has a picture of the same dude sneezing all over... just burn him already!

13 - gDEBugger is now free, woohoo! Now all I need to do is finally code something in the first place to require optimising:

13 - pos = pos + (pos - previous_pos) working in point pairs constrained by the distance between them. Verlet Integration without symbolly crap.

November 2010

8 - The last time I was this unhappy was when I was kicking the chair away from under me, having heard re-incarnation didn't exist.

October 2010

26 - So excited about Rock Band 3, might just postpone my suicide by a week. Wait, the MIDI attachment only comes out WHEN? So... sad...

3 - Ah X-Factor, looking for fresh, unique, new, raw talent to autotune the hell out of so that it sounds like all the other rubbish out there.

September 2010

16 - "An air of excitement" smells like police horse poo.

3 - A gun rack... I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?

1 - You're not a programmer if you can't type quicker than the Google auto-complete.

August 2010

8 - I say scrap CV's and interviews, all that should be required is a printout of hard-drive folder structures.

July 2010

28 - Comedians are reverse engineers.

18 - Watching "Inception", I couldn't help but feel I was being shown Object Oriented Programming For Dummies...

8 - When the list of icons used to share an article on the various social sites is longer than the article itself... something, she be wrong.

1 - Oh man, I can't believe I actually forgot about the Third Rock From the Sun episodes with Cindy Crawford in! *siiigh*

June 2010

30 - So stoked, just finished my Larry King Live app... wait... what? Awww kerrrrappp

25 - So waaait, the new iPhone is for right-handed people? You get left-handed knives, so hopefully there'll be a left-handed iPhone version...

24 - @MottosPoint The tennis thing was just some guys working overtime. MY overtime isn't celebrated nearly as much, the Queen only visited once.

21 - @Lucid_Necrocrat I LOVE YOU! but uh, as for the lover part... dude, when you're finally lucky enough to die, I'm sure satan'll be a girl.

20 - @kaeladan Indeed, that's probably why I feel so... shafted. Seriously, when a _doorbell_ hangs... must I apply a firmware update...?

20 - In one weekend: Xbox 360 hung. PC hung. Sky box hung. Even the doorbell had hung. Oh stuff, why do you suck so much?

18 - @secretidcrisis Deal! I've got MK vs. DC PS3: despite loving it like the child I never had and accidently let eat glass shards, I'm rubbish.

18 - It's an awesome world when I'm equally excited about Kirby's Epic Yarn and the new Mortal Kombat. Hope the 3DS analog doesn't hinder lefties

17 - How is it offensive to tell something that their latest work is the first stuff you've liked from them? It means they're making progress...

11 - Hell is getting to work early enough to savour the delights of the vacuum.

10 - If you're such a hardcore atheist, why do you use words such as "damn", and "omg"...?

8 - "We need to chat", "For how long?", "As long as you've got", "Okay, I'm free in 5 minutes", "It can't wait"... Infinity chat can't wait?

7 - @kaeladan A demo of what Flash can do... as a video... but a video that needs Flash to play... sigh. Great stuff though.

7 - @MottosPoint That's pretty funky, I would love to make my own version of it, but getting the suicide note text to come out would be hard.

May 2010

26 - Someone died from the heat 3 days ago, and there's prediction of snow in 3 days time. That should make today perfectly tropical.

25 - Onomatopoeia is such a cool word, sigh.

25 - @MottosPoint True Type Fonts in the woods? So, you mean, Apple trees?

24 - Having no internet ... I _learnt_ stuff on the weekend... by _figuring it out for myself_... header files... trying things out... amazing.

21 - @ianjeffray Won't be able to join you, but will have a working fridge soon, good bye food poisoning, hello weight gain!

13 - No, your "retro" HI-FI with plastic wood shell and plastic metal faceplate does NOT look "old fashioned".

6 - It's amazing how some people have perfected the art of telling you lots of stuff, while never explaining a thing.

5 - "My eyes are up here". However, walking around gawking intensely and longingly into girls eyes hasn't resulted in much happiness either.

April 2010

13 - Best part of non-Flash stuff? Doesn't eat keypresses, so I can navigate/close the current tab with keyboard shortcuts on Windows.

12 - Who needs Flash when you've got animated GIFs, background MIDI, and embeddable sounds... bring back 1992!

2 - I know of more sensitive and pressure-correcting robotic hands than those of most people opening a half-empty water bottle. KRRK KRKK SLURP

March 2010

28 - Don't you hate it when you make a spelling mistake in your suicide note? Or the pen runs dry as you reach the list entitled "Who can kiss my

23 - Capitalisation not only makes code easier to read, but lets you get away with variables such as "NotesHit".

22 - When you have to lift the week old pizza out of the way to get to your chocolate stash, it's probably a sign you need to sort yourself out.

7 - Don't you hate negative questions?

5 - "txt 'pound' to <number> to donate to the charity, please be aware that the txt will cost you 1.50" ... whaa..?

February 2010

21 - When you need to scroll down on the "year" listbox of the GameTrailers age verification page, you know you're getting ollld.

18 - Winning a gold is not "REwriting the history books", unless it's in the Making-a-Time-Machine category.

18 - Found a use for IE: preventing PC going to sleep when I want to charge the iPod over night.

17 - @MottosPoint Ooooh, because all the chipmunks die in a horrible plane crash? Please oh please oh...

12 - First perfect score in a Rock Bandy type game, on "hard" too, AND the first time I ever played the song... Spice Girls, Wannabe *click bang*

6 - I could listen to Super Mario 3 music all day and not even wince. Until the inevitable murder spree was brought on, but 'til then...

January 2010

30 - Bah, gave myself two weeks to make a Rock Band clone, semi works, but looks like ass. Decided to work more on it now:

27 - Gonna skip the initial round of iPads, will wait for the iPad Nano, more or less same features, but pocketable. Can't wait.

21 - Ohhh, so _that's_ what's going on with Conan and Leno:

19 - I know this is totally lame, but I really love coding in the Delphi environment... I just feel free and creative... I should get dreads.

19 - @izb "Unwanted" console games? Surely you mean wanted, but being forced to relieve yourself of? Won't somebody think of the children?

19 - @ianjeffray I'm not familiar with the Fishers, but that looks verrry interesting, in an X-Filey kinda way.

15 - It's only abuse if you can't find someone who laughs at it.

15 - If you divide early, you deserve all the debugging you get. *sigh*. Entire days are for wasting anyway.

12 - Torture is: working though another 7-minute guitar-solo-infested repetitive-drum crapheap of a song in Rock Band only to unlock 5 more.

11 - It's funny that as TV's are finally displaying 3D content, they are becoming physically closer to being 2D. OLED yum yum.

7 - "3000x digital zoom!"... why stop at 3000? Surely a large coloured square looks the same at... A BILLION TIMES ZOOM!

5 - Using my first generation iPod Touch while it's "charging" over USB makes it lose charge quicker than it gains it now. I'll just replac.. oh

December 2009

30 - Sky is having a Lost catch-up day... Surrogates and Sandman graphic novels being read during... a good day indeed. Just missing apocalypse.

28 - @MottosPoint So, Paradox... finally watched it all... and not because I particularly wanted too... just... had to... couldn't... help self..

24 - XBox 360 Wireless N adapter installation process: 1) burn manual. 2) plug adapter in. Damn you Microsoft and your "mixed media" error vomit.

24 - @ianjeffray It was awesome, with a capital awesome. Arrived for 2 hour visit, 1 hour in, opened door for food... oh... YAYAYAY!

23 - Just got back home having been snowed in overnight at @d0ugs. Snowboarding & company ace, 2 day old sweaty undies, almost as much. Scratch.

16 - Fear is: the forgotten memory of the hot chocolate; the clear memory of cleaning the toilet; and the brown spot on your nose.

14 - The dude next door is noise incarnate, I bet he'd even die in his sleep loudly. Whistling while stirring tea and playing with ringtones...

12 - Advert for the Chipmunk movie sequel, starring the Chipettes, singing... All the Single Ladies...? I'm sure the 5 year olds will relate.

2 - Just because an omelette looks like a pancake, doesn't mean it'll be good with banana in it... ick.

November 2009

25 - Jitte tog, ek wil ook 'n Boeremeisie wees! Hulle is koooeeee-ul

21 - If you're ever lonely/hungry, clean the house and put mouse traps down.

20 - There's nothing like trying to play drums to re-inforce just how much you suck in all areas of being alive.

20 - @KatForsyth Oprah going off air? Yeah, and Superman and Captain America are dead too. And I think suicide is a really bad thing.

19 - Dear #Sky: I know I'm watching HD, I know what's next, if you want to know if I like a show, use your viewing logs. Less text during shows!

14 - Making an electronic drumset from Quantum Tunnelling Compound pills sounds way cooler than what it actually is.

2 - Can't decide which would kill me quicker: being inside a flock of praying manti, or a flock of flying fish.

2 - @botdream The thing is, the BeagleBoard has been doing 720p video using mplayer for ages already... but XMBC would be nice :)

October 2009

31 - I wonder what razorblade sales look like around Halloween...

31 - @MottosPoint I love the Zombie/Ghoul walking past, it completes the picture.

31 - @MottosPoint I love the Zombie/Ghoul walking past, it completes the picture.

27 - It's quite sad that I like Twitter more than FaceBook now. And I hate change more than life itself.

27 - @Desi_lu Putting flies on the corner of your mouth and bread crumbs on your nostrils, taking a photo and sending it with a begging message?

26 - @wikiup ffmpeg should do fine. Which has a horrid frontend called SUPER... you _might_ get away with PSP9, or Handbrake or something...

25 - If ice-cream is truly the food of the depressed, I must've committed suicide in several parallel dimensions already.

24 - Happiness is PCSX2 + Burnout 2 crash mode. The gameplay is a lot slower, and less forgiving than I remember.

17 - And too. Oh man, "sound of skull deformation"... sigh.

17 - I totally, totally love SWAIM. *sigh*.

9 - Norah Jones "Shoot the Moon" has an altogether different meaning now...

7 - @botdream Really liked those battery notes, thanks for making them, they're great!

6 - I think my tapeworms are having a fallout, time to take no prisoners and punch the hell out of my intestines again.

6 - @secretidcrisis Those wounds look very similar to ones I'd pick up from my sisters talons... having done nothing wrong as usual, of course.

5 - Chumby devkit, or BeagleBoard with insanely over-priced OLED screen... hmm... I wonder if there's a market for second-hand roadkill...

5 - @botdream Talk about coming full circle, I was lurking for some Chumby stuff, and came across your Twitter, where I got a mention, yay! Hi!

3 - Todays waste-of-time experiment: Doom on a BifferBoard with a keyframe photoframe display

3 - Secret cameras with massive pixellation AND analogue interference... gotta find me one from somewhere...

1 - @wikiup I suppose Tweeting that was significantly more convenient than breaking in while I was sleeping and shouting "HAH HA LOSER!". Ass.

September 2009

29 - "I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it." Oh Agent Smith, we should hang out, seriously.

25 - If, when you spit, scabs come out, you're probably brushing your teeth for too long, and possibly brushing too hard.

24 - If a guy says "Yeah, it's probably time to get my nails cut", are you allowed to laugh at the "get"?

24 - Prey != Pray, Too != To, man, I've been using this internet thing for to long.

24 - @Desi_lu I used to PREY to every single one of my gods for a flaming car wreck with bits whenever I got a new CD... so probably.

19 - 20 byte starfield (.COM): B0 13 CD 10 5C 59 1F 58 37 86 05 03 F8 E2 F8 47 98 41 EB F5, I miss simpler days when I knew how things worked.

19 - The BBC must be singlehandedly responsible for keeping ye olde flame torch makers in business.

17 - "I don't like cold cheese",well, thank all things pure that you don't have to eat my lunch eh?

13 - The turkey and chicken burger patties from Lidl had far fewer toes in than I'd expected them too.

10 - If I were a murderous villain in jail, Norah Jones and a tiny budgie would be the only thing between me and a few more life sentences.

8 - So, I could buy a $200 robotic penguin that almost walks properly, OR I could buy a $2 wind up penguin toy that almost walks properly, hmm..

1 - Sorry nature, but I'd rather be able to watch the world burn into ashes, than be blind with my eco-bulbs barely lighting the room.

1 - @Desi_lu In theory you wouldn't need a wish for that, so exchange it for a funded happy nekkidness-filled life on said tropical island.

August 2009

31 - Just had the best meal ever. Unlimited baby back ribs, strawberry containing strawberry milkshake, baked potato as soft as the perfect stool

29 - "A million percent yes!" Really? _Seriously_? AGAIN?

28 - I can smell flat/dead Coke. It's my seventh sense. Implying I have enough sense to cover float values from 0 through 6.9999999999999999

22 - @MdmPoppyFields Those ARE the best wedding photo's ever... but my iPod Touch burnt into flames trying to load them all.

20 - if (i > 2 * sexy) for (myshirt = sexy; myshirt < ithurts; myshirt += sexy); #songsincode

20 - @ianjeffray Been to Currys.Digital on Princes Street recently? One of the demo laptop screensavers read: "I love pies"...

13 - G.I. Joe was an over-the-top-cheesefest, like a Saturday morning cartoon, but live action, it was great.

13 - @wikiup At least they weren't charged for it.

11 - The worst part about enjoying coding, is when you're forced to do not-coding.

6 - K.A.R.R. is Optimus Prime, hahahah!

5 - Cucumber on rolls with dandruff just seem like an unholy union.

1 - Not vain enough to think I'm a unique snowflake, so this is rhetorical: am I the only one who finds romantic comedies incredibly depressing?

July 2009

30 - Gilmore Girls is like hell without the lunch break.

25 - @MdmPoppyFields I'll see your dog, and raise you one:

23 - Like Anubis without the bi, my polarity is going down the toilet.

21 - @ianjeffray And only an 8 mile walk from work! Might be enough to work off a double thick shake...

21 - My bus ticket reverse side: McD's voucher that can only be used at a "restaurant" without a Drive-Thru... so that's... none then.

16 - Hmm, no underage-troll sniper rifles on e-bay, maybe resort to Abba cd's...

16 - @wikiup Don't be daft, there's no such word as doesy. Doofus.

16 - Guy with scar across his torso and face: "I dinny wanny dance wi' yew!", which as it turns out, means he sees no reason for an altercation.

15 - When a fully formed URL is the number 1 search term, I weep more openly than usual.

15 - @wikiup Been too busy actually enjoying being alive to comment. I love coding in a very bad way.

15 - @MdmPoppyFields ... and then you woke up and it was all a dream!

12 - @secretidcrisis is awesome, thank you.

8 - Saw a guy wearing red sun glasses today! Doesn't he know that'll turn him into a vampire?!

7 - Just watched Universal Soldier 2. My cliche tummy is now sickenly full. Fortunately my ice cream tummy is still like inner tube!

7 - The thought of a windfarm somewhere supplying power for my desk fan amuses me.

4 - What benefit does squishing the end of a straw give you?

3 - Yesterday: wet from sweat. Today: wet from rain. Must _not_ dream of being in a bathroom tonight. This tender, tender night.

2 - Ice cubes in armpits = painful relief.

1 - Lighting! YAY! Thunder! YAY! Homesick! *hang* *sway sway*

1 - Why do so many people's smiles make me want to raccoon their faces off?

June 2009

28 - Coke might taste differently in different countries, but wet cardboard smells the same the world round.

23 - I love how standing on your tippy toes makes things less cold.

23 - @secretidcrisis And damn you for ever mentioning Peggle. Damn you to a reality TV show.

23 - @secretidcrisis Screw blue energy, I just use wiper blades in my head to wipe away ANY thought I get. ONLY think of the wiper blades motion

23 - Better than Ezra, Third Eye Blind, Cracker, Butthole Surfers... something terrible must've happened around that time if I remember stuff.

23 - @addedsparkle I say dude pushing a boat in Venice. Only not in Venice. And dead.

21 - To all my blind friends: go watch Transformers 2, the sound is amazing!

21 - Going to "An evening with Don Hertzfeldt" tonight. Scared. Not only am I going to be outside after 6pm, but the venue requires non-shorts.

21 - @izb Not having a wireless controller, I always assumed that's what that "sync" looking button below the memory slots was for.

19 - Different reactions to telling people to "shut up" when they sneeze is interesting, and warrants further stick poking.

18 - My headache seems to have mated with howler monkeys.

17 - Why do people who are watching something funny _insist_ on drinking something at the same time?

15 - The Wannadies, "Hit"... last time I heard that, I was playing with Lego on the floor, and didn't even know what "suicidal tendencies" meant.

14 - Bought a pillow that costs more than life itself, literally. It cost twice as much as a hamster. More comfortable to sleep with too.

12 - Dear LORD whhhyyyy do I have to boot into _Linux_ to get a _Windows_ game to work? RWARR!

12 - @julesZA Me to! Your totally write. *shudder* Now just say "PIN number" and watch me bleed.

11 - The ability to tie one's hair up behind their head has always amazed me.

10 - #geekpickuplines I'd like to compliment your set of real numbers *snort*

9 - The Prodigy 'Voodoo People' (Pendulum Mix)... nana nana nana nana BATMAN... Weeeeee.....

9 - Why is it that girls never run down stairs?

8 - Shot at the moon, missed completely.

8 - What a great show Testees is... the SkyNet vacuum cleaner, the old lady zombies... sigh, yay!

8 - @MdmPoppyFields YEAH! Was pretty sure I only had the book, but when I watched the video, my brain went 'yup, saw it like that'. Imagination!

8 - No waaay... this video:
is the sound of my brain unlocking the memory vaults. I use to LOVE this.

5 - If Dexter (the show) was a girl, she'd be the most amazing girl ever, with all the same likes as me, and not lying about it to eat my soul!

5 - Blue October "Hate me" lyrics, HAHAHAHAAH... hmmm... HAHAAH. In other news, MC now works on my LCD screen, hoorah!

4 - Oooh, new Placebo single is quite funky.

4 - I like traffic lights, even thought my name's not Bamber.

4 - @MdmPoppyFields Yay! I'm the most pointless! And methinks me might sign up for that Illustrator webinar too.

4 - Almost got Midnight Commander working through my sucky 128x128 LCD photo keyring screen... pointless exercises are my fave!

4 - @julesZA I remember seeing the video for "Sheep go to Heaven (Goats go to hell)" and being awestruck... it's still awesome.

3 - "Project Natal" sounds like a V-chip that makes people chillaxed and surferboys.

1 - The only way I could be more hot right now is if I made a clone of myself and stuck it to my body with fire-tape.

May 2009

30 - People never make a mistake putting "you're" when it should be "your", so clearly they know the difference... away with contractions!

30 - I'd rather gargle with drainwater than see even the advert for Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Or even listen to Lady Gaga. Maybe.

29 - I got a keyring photoframe working as a display on my BifferBoard today, hooray!

29 - It's so hot that my foot tried to kill itself and just ended up bleeding scolding hot magma! Universal Soldier would so die.

28 - SmartQ 5, UMID mbook M1, Viliv S5, or a DIY BeagleBoard and Samsung U70 combo thing. Once I've learnt how to turn sorrow into money.

28 - Methinks it's Saltana's round 2 time... this time I come prepared with Coke to wash them down... let's see who's boss of my stomach NOW!

27 - Ate too many raisins (jumbo saltanas, yoghurt coated, sweetened whole blueberries coated in Belgian plain chocolate, plump jumbo)... sick.

27 - 12 year old: "This is the most important day of my life!". Reaallly? AT TWELVE? How about the day you finally chewed through the ropes?

27 - I've finally come to the conclusion that having lots of money _would_ be a good thing... just a pity my creativity has died with time.

27 - @MdmPoppyFields Zero Hour Zone time was my favourite! Being tired and cranky yet optimistic that there'd be ONE non-sucky video in the hour.

27 - Of all the candies in the world, the pearl ones are my favourite!

25 - Can't stand it when people who are brushing their teeth walk away from the basin...

25 - Holidays are awesome, except for when all 4 of your operating systems decide to kill themselves.

23 - Going to harness my weight increase by shaving my chest and propping the boys together and seeing if it gets me stuff cheap in shops.

23 - @secretidcrisis Except for Feck, my fave:

21 - The uncertainty ends today! Maybe!

19 - About to watch the last ever Prison Break, and the first ever Dollhouse. Then sketch HOW MUCH HATE I HAVE INSIDE. And eat ice cream.

19 - ick ick HAHA ick ick

19 - Chewed bits of food that gather around the neck of a juice bottle or cup is always the same colour...

19 - @julesZA Kinda scared to type anything too wacky though, in case I ever want to be employed again. My kak Afrikaans sal miskien snaaks wees.

18 - My budgie only keeps quiet during movies with subtitles. Even IF there's violence.

15 - Sodding MOV -> M4V -> MPG -> WMV... what a mission to edit one stupid video with me sounding like a plonker on it.

14 - @MdmPoppyFields Thank all things pure I'm not having to deal with them, but a certain lesbian I know's fiance has started working there...

14 - I'd almost forgotten how much I hated Incredible Connection...

12 - Cake in a mug in 5 minutes in the microwave makes me feel like I have a have a brick in my tummy in in.

11 - Methinks the new Green Day CD sounds a bit like the Baby Chaos "Love Your Self Abuse" CD.

9 - @MdmPoppyFields Eish,, I made it to round 2, which needs posted entries by the 15th.

9 - Microsoft Dare to Dream Different challenge contest date nearing! NO NEED TO PANIC! *sigh*

7 - Carvery was ace. Chocolate Brownie suprise thing was awesome. Company was great. Couldn't stop singing

7 - @wikiup Not seen Star Trek yet, going to see it this weekend, if my hand holders can make it.

7 - Almost time for carvery and a non-shared for-sharing dessert. Might have to beat my way through some Trekkies though...

6 - Watched Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D, best 3D so far, and suuuch a great movie. Ah, cartoons for 30, hope it never ends.

April 2009

29 - The Star Wars theme as 1-bit audio out of a teeeny piezo speaker is the second most awesome thing ever.

29 - Overheard: "let's move to South Africa, there's no flu, the sun shines, and we'll be safe".

23 - Hmm, GT Avalanche Disc 1.0, or Zeitgiest. Hmm. Maybe I'll just install Ubuntu and waste my time on that, at least it's free.

20 - @addedsparkle 7.7 mile cycle? Woooow, colour me impressed. Which I believe is a slightly off red. That's nuts though.

13 - Seem to have devoured "too much" lamb... and I don't think the boerewors from the dodgy Nigerian shop is making my tummy happy. Neigh!

12 - @secretidcrisis Easter would be just another Sunday to me, but it appears my jokes are more offensive on it, so yay!

11 - Schindlers List, now in HD, oh yay yay yay!

9 - Helped a lady by carrying a box full of boxes up 3 flights. Boxes of boxes are actually quite heavy. Standing upright is for losers anyway.

6 - I love how many spam twitter accounts have loads of spam followers. And how some of them have more interesting things to say than humans.

5 - Powercuts, no water, and now no gas... the trams better have a special seat reserved just for me. Made out of recycled supermodels.

4 - La dee buckity, rumbling through, ni ni ni, yeeeow!

3 - @wikiup No problemo dude, fire away. In a month I'm going to start making my game, so it'll be a nice warm up.

3 - If you ask, I will gladly assign you a tiny piece of what I'm eating. But DON'T just reach over and assume you can take a random piece.

2 - I know next to nothing about her or UFC, but seeing Gina Carano kick ass in UFC kicked ass. Don't even care how staged it is. MORE VIOLENCE!

2 - The axe blisters on my hand have almost healed... hopefully the next season of Dexter starts soon.

1 - Man, I'm hotter than Paris Hilton. Here's hoping I'm not as sick as her.

March 2009

30 - Why is it that no matter what the inspirational speech is about, I'm always only inspired to maim?

29 - Ohhh, so Nirvana singing "grammer take me home, grammer take me home" is _ironic_, I seeeee... It's the best I've got right now people.

27 - Unhappy is a form of happiness, so go away.

25 - RWARR! 4 security questions to confirm I am me, then a further 3 to change my phone number on their records... it's like real-life DRM

24 - Sniper bunnies and generally bloody fluffy animals... you have my attention...


23 - ... and all I do all day is make no difference at all.

21 - Can't get enough of Irish people tinking and toughting about tings!

21 - Mistake 1: playing different versions of Burnout in a few hours. Mistake 2: driving a new car home directly afterwards.

17 - GTA:Chinatown Wars and MadWorld pre-ordered. Saturday's gonna be a killing spree. Just like it should be.

13 - Why does offer me an HD version of ChinaTown Wars for the DS, but only SD for Arkham Asylum on 360?

12 - Have we not reached the point where non-nerds know enough about technology that movies should no longer show letter-by-letter screen display

11 - Someone used my credit card number with bogus other details to start a small business, but I can't buy a CD from Amazon? Good system.

9 - I'm going to take an open source instant messenger and add code that rejects any messages containing "lol" with a snarky error message.

9 - It's amazing how NoScript makes sites more usable, when in theory, all that hard JavaScript work was surely done to make things easier?

9 - "Thnx"... that's saving you one letter. If you used "A", you'd be right by "S", thus saving you work having to move to "X" on the keyboard.

8 - @ianjeffray My iMac updated, and now it can't connect to the _Apple_ wireless, claims EVERY address is a conflict... bravo.

7 - Descent 2 leads to Descent 3 leads to FreeSpace 2 leads to BattleStar total conversion leads to dark side.

6 - Apple AppStore review comment: "your a moran if u buy this!!!! i did and want my money bak!!!!!"... never a truer word typed. Well, maybe.

6 - Curse you MacHeist, I left my status looking like I'd been infected by a virus for a day, and I didn't even get a crappy T-Shirt.

5 - @MacHeist Yeah, Ill take a free copy of DEVONthink! #MacHeist #free

3 - @MdmPoppyFields HAHA! I've been singing the Mr. Belvedere one since Saturday!

3 - How many wishes do EULA's waste? No, I don't "wish" to install the software, I simply wouldn't mind if it let me continue.

3 - It's always such a shame to see people defacing stuff with mindless logos and symbols

3 - "Bones" preaching how hideous it is for parents to force kids to be pretty, coming from a show where you're only hired if you're pretty.

2 - Right, got chocolate chili crisps... too scared to try yet. Going to let supper break down and get into the tubes before I make a move.

2 - I wonder when the art of fdisk /MBR is going to die out... well, not that specific, but just knowing how things work generally...

2 - @izb Wow, now there's a Wikipedia entry that contains less than I understand than normal.

February 2009

28 - Beyonce looks like a Lipizzaner Horse when she dances. And I want a credit card atom PC

27 - Finally got my hair neutered, feels so amazingly good. Kept the fallen bits and put them on sharp sticks as a warning to all.

26 - Best stop motion I've ever seen:, you bloody Canadians always making me feel inferior.

26 - Signs you might be lying about how well you're handling this whole crisis thing: your gray hair count has suddenly increased ten-fold.

26 - I'm going to paint a brick up, all pretty like, and then I'm going to stab the next person who uses "lol" as a full stop, with it.

26 - You know what I love? People telling me what to do. Because clearly I'm incapable of thinking of things myself. Please, help me.

25 - iPod almost flat...plug it in, iTunes loads, starts syncing, nuking the battery. Charges a little, comes on again...sync starts...dies...

25 - "I thought you said you liked the cold...?" Yeees, but that doesn't magically stop me from actually _getting_ cold braniac.

25 - @izb I find myself doing that to my corpses all the time. It's either a sign you're sweet, or going senile.

25 - Was never rich enough to have a PS1... so now living it up with the emulator on ONE OF my PSPs. Eat that, SlumDog...

24 - I think I'm going to try making a game, starting on the content side first. Starting engine side has only ever led to incompletion.

24 - "Ultimate" frisbee is simply normal frisbee with the lazy fun taken out and pain, suffering, injury and disease thrown in.

23 - "I'm sorry I misleaded you pretty lady"... just because you were too lazy to find another word for "mistreated"? LAZY! MUST TRY HARDER!

23 - Install iPhone SDK. Need to update OSX and firmware. Go play PS3 while it's busy. Need to update PS3 firmware. Then need to update game. GAH

22 - @secretidcrisis I would burn several people I know for a dog like Kyuss. I might just start practicing anyway...

22 - When it's easier to get the Sega Saturn version of the game running on Windows than the Windows one... Return Fire is awesome!

21 - Memo to self: do not drink 2l of purple grape juice again unless I'm renting my ass out for a weekend to someone I don't like.

20 - Playing the Yakuza 3 demo has taught me how little Japanese I actually know so far. I love realisations, it's the stinging afterburn...

20 - I wonder how many Debian Lenny installations are going to be called Carl...

20 - @d0ugs You gonna get

20 - coLinux makes me happy in a very special ex-major-pee feeling kinda way.

19 - @MdmPoppyFields That piglet was so awesome that I had to get a heart implant so I could go "aww".

18 - @MdmPoppyFields even _I_ know who Yves Saint Laurent is... but then again, it's not like I had a choice in that matter.

17 - I decided to be healthy today, and went for a walk at lunchtime. All the way to the McD's and back again. Now I'm more poor, more fat.

15 - Wait, Pavorotti's dead? What the hell?

13 - What do you mean Dexter season 3 only starts end April? That's a human rights violation!

13 - Life's short and hard like a body-building elf, so save the planet and kill yourself... ah Bloodhound Gang... getters throughers of the day

13 - Hmm, valentines card attached to my hanging corpse, or many as clues to a treasure hunt to my rotting corpse... it's the idea that counts.

13 - Nothing cures depression quite like being told not to be depressed.